


green-eyed monster - fic

by naughtycustard



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (altho hermione has a penis becuz magic), (yay genderbendin), Horscrote, Multi, anal sexx, deliberatly bad fic, destroying horcruzes, face-fcuking, huntinhg horcruxes, lots an lots of come, rly hott sex!!, spirtoasting, thresome - m/m/f
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:31:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naughtycustard/pseuds/naughtycustard





	green-eyed monster - fic

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Green-Eyed Monster](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2319191) by Anonymous. 



the trio were rly board. they had been searching for the horcruxes for over a year now and voldymort still wasn't dead

"this sucks" grumped harry "why can't we find the last one??"

"maybe it would help if we knew what we were looking for" logiced hermione

"won't it have a big neon sign over it saying 'HORCRUX'?" assed ron

"no ron you utter bellend" stared hermioe

"well can't we cast a spell to make one???" he wined

"no i have a much better idea" said hermione and stood up to open her enormous ladypouch, aiming it at the floor and shaking it until all her faverite night-time relaxation aids fell out

"oh yes of course" said ron. "books."

"im sure the answer is in hear somewhere!" said hermione and dived into the pile of books which was like a library if a library was in a swimming pool

"lets leave her to it mate" turned ron to harry "we've got better things to do"

harry meanwhile was staring pensievely at his own crotch "i wonder..."

"well if you want us to swap handjobs to pass the time you can just ask"

but harry was thinking too hard to think about what ron was saying. he had thought of something. it was so brillisnt it might just work... " _accio horcrux!_ "

and then harry's balls tried to leap out of his trousers so enthusiasistically that he fell over backwards and almost turned into a pretzel

"bloody hell!!" shiuted ron

"harry what happen" asked herminoe surfacing from her pie of books (several of the books were stuck in her big bushy hare, it was not pretty)

"why are their books in your hair?" ask harry

"why are you're balls in your hand" countered hermien

"i think they might be the last horcruz" said harry

"oh" said hwemione "well that makes sense"

"i can't believe such a big thing was hiding in your pants all along" surprised ron

"let me just checck how we can destroy it" and pulled one of the books fro her hair with a squelching sound

ron causally looked at harry "maybe i should just kick you in the balls"

"no thanks" said harry "i'd rather let moldyface win"

"right, ive got it" said herione snapping the book shut with a snap "what we need to do is have lots and lots of sex with you until you jizz evwyhere because once there's no more seamen in your horscrote it will have lost its power"

"yessss" said ron and harry and high fived

"there are a couple of problems though. one, it has to be really filthy sex. and b, you'll need at least two dicks in you"

ron smirked. "let's go kidnap the malfoys. they're dicks."

hermione huffed "that's not funny ron"

(it is)

"anyway" she continude "i can just give myself a magic penis"

"why have you never done that before??" confused ron

"who says i haven't" said hermione

and ron's brain explode a bit

"okay lets apparate to hogwars" suggest hermione "he-who-must-not-be-maned will probably be there"

"yes lets go" said harry

so they went

"alright we're here" said harry

"i will cast a magic protective sheild spell to protect us while we fuck" said hermione and got her wand out

"hurry up" said ron "i've already got a huge erection"

"me too" said harry with anticipotion

"well i haven't even given myself a cock yet" said hermione, who had finished the sheld

"go on then" urghed ron

hermione pointed her wand at her crotch and yelled " _pedicabo et irrumabo!_ "

and a penis sprouted that was so big it burst straight through all her clothes

"wow" said ron

"okay lets have sex" said hermione (although maybe she should be hismione but that would be confusing. also she still had boobs)

harry took of all his clothes and lay on the floor to give them easy excess

"whose doing which hole" said hermione

"i dont care just fill me up" groaned harry and speared his legs

"you do his mouth i'll do his bum" suggest ron

hermione eagerly walked over to harry's head (although she was a bit wobbly because she wasn't used to walking with suck a MASSIVE COCK) and put her penis in his moth

"mmm" mumbled harry around the big meaty sausage that filled his whole mouth

"omg herione that's so hot" sad ron and got between harry's legs

"don't forget the lube" said hermione started to thrust into harry's hot wet open

"course not" said ron and casted a spell that filled harry with galloons of magic lube. hopefully that would be enough

so ron dhoved his really hard (and natural) dick into harry's lower tightness

"hnnn" said harry as his butt stretched for ron

"wow thats amazing" groaned ron as he began to push his whole penis into harry and then take it out agaiin

hermione was still going in and out at the other end "harry are you getting aroused"

harry noded even though his face with full of hermione's hug dick and it was hard to move

"good but don't come yet" she said tickling his throat

"oh harry you're so tight" moaned ron sliding inside him, his balls slapping against harry right by harry's horcruxy ones

"gnnnrrg" agreed harry and rapped his legs around ron

"harry we need to get as deep as possible" told hermione and then pushed her penis so far in it nearly went up his nose

harry trebled with pleasure

"yes harry take my whole dick" said ron shoving his dong all the way inside

"ron make sure to fin his prostate, you have to drive him wilf"

"okay" and ron began to wiggle his willy for the prostrate

"blrllblrlrr" said harry as ron found it

"not yet harry!!" squeeled hermi "you have to let it build up until you have a megaorgasm that so big it explodes your balls!"

"hngrrnr" said harry who was so full and tight and turned on that he could bearly hold back

"you can do it harry" cheered hermione as she stuck her dick in his throat again "i beleive in you!!"

"yeah harry you can do it" joined ron who was jabbing harry's colon

between all the cheering and the sexy noises they were being pretty loud and they had attracted some attention... but not so loud that they couldn't hear as VOLDEMORT APPAROACHED

"quick! do it now!" yelled hermione "voldemort is come!!!"

so harry came

all the jizz exploded from his balls, shooting right into the air. it were headed strait for voldemort!!

"aVADA KEDAVRA!!1!" yelled harry's sperms

and voldemort dropped down ded

THEY

HAD

WON!!!!!!!!

"yessssssss!!!!" yelled ron and hermione as they spurted inside harry too

and the three of them collapsed in a sweaty heap of victory

it was the best day ever


End file.
